I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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