Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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