so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
