Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
