It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
