Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
