IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
