You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
