I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
