I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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