and i looked up. we had an audience...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
