I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
