Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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