I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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