One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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