When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
