I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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