your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
