I'm going to jail i love you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
