giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
