So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
True strength comes from lack of pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
