I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
