I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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