Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
