Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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