so let's talk penis.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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