I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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