At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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