i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
