dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
