i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
