he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
