Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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