I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i jhust puked up my retainher.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
