so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
