Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
