just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
