I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
where are you?
Hypothermia
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i think i just lost a toe
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