Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
