So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize