I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
