He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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