I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
