Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
