So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
