i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i out mim tonsoeep
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
