GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
