I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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