Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
