It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
