He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
