So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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