so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
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She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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