The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yo dont text me then not text me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
