Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
