Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
