I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize