i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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