My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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