2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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