life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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