He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
