but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
