ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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