I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
