I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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