But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
