why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
