Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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