I CAN MOONWALK!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
