yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
