More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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