:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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