worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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