Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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